Being Strong

A friend on FB posted this a few days ago, and of course, it's been lodged into my brain ever since.

"Giving up doesn't always mean you're weak.  Sometimes it means you are strong enough to let go."

I am in a much better place, both physically and emotionally, than I was a few days ago.  However, I look at this year so far, and it seems I've never been further away from fertility and good health.  I have made an appointment with a new doctor, Dr. Bell, for August 9th, to discuss a hysterectomy.  After I made the appointment, I sat in my office and sniffled a little bit, and then have cried a few times at home by myself, wondering if this is the right direction for me right now.  Dr. Bell is very knowledgeable in women's health, and has been practicing for a long time, and is very hard to get into.  (Thank you, Jeni, for your medical connections.  haha)

I just don't know if I can face this, but I also don't believe I can continue on living the way I have this year, and really, for many years now.  I'm very tired of it all.  But I'm so afraid of making a decision I can't live with.  And the term, "I can't live with," in all actuality, is a bit over-amplified, isn't it?  I mean, my heart will go on beating.  It will not break in two.  I have been so grieved before, that my chest really did hurt and feel broken.  Is that what it will feel like?  For how long?  Will I be resentful, jealous, or (even scarier), very depressed?  I act like I have nothing to do with how I will react!  How silly.

I am STRONG.  I will survive, and be happy.  Somehow, I will.  My prayer is that God grants me the strength to become in life what I am supposed to be.  That I am able to do what I was put on this earth to do.  That He helps me each day become a brighter light, for myself and others, instead of being frail and weak.  And if being strong means I must let go of something, I can do it.