All Unwanted Advise Will Be Flushed

This post is a variation of a note I wrote on Facebook.  I was a little angry at the time, and since I've calmed down, I think I can approach it in a more constructive way.  My negativity is telling me the people that need to read this won't.  What luck.  My positivity is telling me most people in my life don't need to read it, because most people would never say anything cruel.

I read something this morning that reminded me of this, and started thinking about it.  Here are my thoughts after an hour of stewing.  Oh, yeah...a couple of years and an hour...

I did not put anything on this list that has not been said to me.  Shocking.  (And, Friends, if we've actually had a real conversation about any of these things, like prayer and meditation, or needing an answer, then I'm not talking to you.  I'm talking to the flip statements that have been thrown at me from out of nowhere!)

Things You Should NEVER Say To An Infertile Couple:

When are you going to have children?
Probably never; about the same amount of time it'll take you to get a clue.

You need a vacation.
True, O Insensitive One, true.  While I'm not aware that mosquito netting around a bed helps with conception, I could be wrong.

Just relax!
Just grow a brain.

Have you thought about elevating your pelvis...you know...afterward?
If his boys are too stupid to swim, maybe we shouldn't be fishing out of that pond.  But thank you for telling me about my inferior sexual positions.  Just what I always wanted to hear.

At least you're having fun trying!
Temping, charting, stressing... pills, shots, scheduled sex...yeah, it's all a real blast!  Welcome to the fun side.

Are you sure you're unable to have children?
Are you sure you're not insane?  I can get a doctor's note if it helps you.

Be humble enough to go up for prayer.
Yeah, because my pride is causing me not to ovulate.  As if things weren't humiliating enough..."Could you pray I release a viable egg this month?"  If people know our situation and care for us, then they are already praying.

All sickness is a lack of faith.
You should really consider working for hospice.  I sense a calling...

Has God told you why?  You should get an answer about it.
Will this be in the form of a ransom note?  "Dear Jill, hand over the jealousy, and I hand over the baby."  I joke!  I don't think He minds.

You must have a vitamin deficiency.
Actually, I never have a sarcastic inner comment on this one.  But it makes me say, "vitamin deficiency" in my head with an English accent.  Try it.  You'll be laughing in no time.  I think it's the soft "i" in "vitamin".

In all sincerity, I do not mind having an intelligent conversation, or receiving well-researched (I didn't say well-intentioned) advise, or even questions about my infertility.  I also appreciate all prayers, hugs, cards, smiles...thank you! 

I was once at a ladies get-together, and a group of four women were talking about having more children.  One turned to me, maybe to include me in the conversation I was obviously out of, and said, "You'd be doing good just to have one, Jill!"  I was so stunned - I just stood there with my mouth open, my cheeks aflame.  Another woman didn't miss a beat and said, "I think Jill's doing GREAT already!" very cheerfully, then expertly steered the talk in another direction.  I am so appreciative of sweet, sensitive people. Others should learn to filter thoughts and words more appropriately.

Oh, and I should mention, it has occurred to me that I'm not the only one on the planet, but I just don't accept that right now.  All mean statements are intended for me.  Don't deny it.