i have been missing in action for far too long.  just got on to say on thing.

i am going to try my hardest to get pregnant. 

that is all.

The Game of Life

Thankfully, I was in the mood to be tickled at what I'm about to tell you instead of sad or depressed.

Brianna is spending the night with us tonight and she and Randy and I decided to play Life, which we hadn't cracked open in years.  And do you know I played the entire game all the way around the board without a baby being added to my plastic car?!  I don't think I've ever played with anyone who can say that.  Every other thing you land on says "Baby Girl" or "Twins", etc.!  Wow.  Kinda ironic and funny.  And something I'll likely cry about later. 

Baby Fever

Any fertility challenged woman will tell you, sometimes her baby fever is lukewarm (absent, even), and othertimes, she's burning a hole through anyone who crosses her path with cranky remarks and persnickity looks.  Just shut up and get out of her way!  ;)

I have been day dreaming of getting pregnant, cute outfits I'll wear (yeah, right!), the glow (that I've always heard about, but never have seen on anyone), and basically, how perfect I will be.  A girl can dream.  I'd probably be bigger than a house, complain about nausea, and eat ginger snaps all day in sweat pants. 

I dream about baby clothes, nursery items, names, and even fret about child care.  All of this from someone who can't get pregnant! 

Honestly, I am not feeling particularly cranky about babies, just overwhelmingly wanting one right now.  In fact, I feel better than I have for at least a good month or two.  I feel encouraged, determined to lose weight and exercise away winter depression should it decide to creep in this season, and positivity is prevailing!  Yay! 

I have such good friends.  My closest just found out she's pregnant!  :)  From another beautiful friend I have had help getting a "word" for the upcoming year.

HOPE!!!  A confident expectation of things to come! 

God can do anything, and I am His child.  That just feels good.

Turkey Day and More

November has been a busy month; good things, bad things, and everything in the middle.  It could be said that I've spent the month completely ticked off, as usual. Admittedly, I have a bad attitude.  But Thanksgiving was wonderful.  I loved spending time with my family, playing games, eating food, and relaxing. 

First, Randy and I went to my in-laws.  At that point, I had been working full-time, going to school full-time, and wasn't in the mood to bake like I normally am.  Linda offered to cook everything.  (Bless her heart!)  I made a green bean casserole and brought soda.  That's it!  Wow.  It was great.  In all honesty, I thought it would really bother me.  I mean, I love to cook, I love to be bragged on (it's not pretty), and I love being in my own house.  But it was fantastic, and I really appreciate her being willing to do that for me.  The food was awesome!

Then we had Mom, Brianna, Jeni, and Dwight over to our house.  We watched The Biggest Loser (shouting what jerk John is the entire time!!!!), visited, and ate.  :)  Good times!  The day wasn't long enough to fit everything in, but it was heaven.

I feel blessed for my family.  <3

I handed in my 2 week notice at work, after cameras were installed.  I'm surprised I made it a month after that.  They followed me around everywhere, there was a microphone snaked under the cabinet that came up to my face, and I've never felt so uncomfortable.  I got e-mails about EVERYTHING!  I won't list everything.  Nothing major; just letting me know they were watching me.  The thing is, I didn't have many customers, which could be an understatement, and I didn't have enough things to possibly fill two hours, much less an entire work day.  I couldn't read a book, listen to radio that had talking, crack open a magazine, or slump in my chair.  I challenge one of you to go sit in front of your computer in dress-up clothes, don't turn it on, and sit there for 6 hrs.  (Just to assume I did, indeed, have enough work for 2 hrs.)  Go ahead.  Try it.  You won't make it 30 minutes.  I should mention I was encouraged to make up Excel spreadsheets for nonsense information.  Someone please tell me the reason for that.

Well, not working there has taken a huge burden off my shoulders.  I'm freaking out because of money, and yet, less stressed than I've been in so long.  I absolutely have to find a job as soon as finals are over, though. 

Speaking of, my first semester is just about down the hatch!  Yahoo!  I have only one more week of classes.  In History, I don't have a final, but an extra credit assignment instead.  Two finals are next Saturday, and two are next Tuesday.  That's it!  I am enrolled for next semester, and I'll be glad to be done with this one.  Physics was my most difficult class, by far.  However, Computers gave me a fit, too.  :(  Sad to say, I'm not as smart as I thought myself to be in some areas.  Well, one thing my GEP class has taught me is that I am a scholar; that doesn't mean I know everything.  That means I can study anything.  Even if I have strengths and weaknesses, I can do this! 

I helped Teri with her Christmas Open House for a few days, and it was so relaxing and fun to hang out with her and Olivia.  I haven't been able to spend that much time with her for several years, and I loved it!  I may have been more of a pest than anything, but it was liberating to not be at work.  Working six days a week took a toll on me, and Teri even mentioned I was stressed out and wasn't fun anymore.  I know what she meant.  Almost like I wasn't the same person; not mean, but just stretched to my limit.  I felt like a huge drain.

Now, at home, I am a drain, seriously.  I am not pulling my weight.  I feel badly for Randy.

I wonder why it is, though, that when we feel mad at ourselves, we act mad at other people.  It makes no sense to me.  And yet I do it.  I will say, I feel hormonal and impossible to please.  I'm not going to try and reason through my madness right now.  I have too many school things to think about, and I refuse to drive myself crazy.  I'm chalking it up to getting through a few things, and not worrying too much that I don't feel exhuberant joy bubbling from within.  Maybe it'll come.  Things (and people) ebb and flow.  I have learned that.  Some days there will be bliss.  Some days there will be poo.  Right now I kinda feel like poo, although not nearly as much as a month ago.  ;) 

I am getting off here to do some laundry and get ready for the week.  Or maybe to go to bed early.  Either way, it's goo'night to cyberland for now!!

Maybe Wantin' IS Gettin'!

These are the things that are important to me.

I want:

A clean house
My bills paid without ridiculous stress
To be more involved with my church family
To better invest in my family and friends
To be in better shape
To be happy
To finish school

It's In the Water

Is it my imagination, or every woman on the bloomin' earth pregnant right now?! 

So, of course, I've heard (or read on blasted FB!) about heartburn, insomnia, swollen feet, weight gain, and food cravings.

Worse, I've heard (or read on blasted FB!) about nesting, excitement, baby clothes, nursery plans, ultrasounds, and due dates.

Okay, okay.  Simmer, Jill.  Love your life.  Be grateful.  Be thankful.  Have faith.  And smile.  Always smile. 

Carrie:  "It's only ever going to be the two of us.  Are we enough?"

Big:  "Kid....we're too much."

Sniff.