Au Naturel, Baby

I have become OBSESSED with natural childbirth.  Totally obsessed.  This is such a deep educational thought process, a powerful tool to hopefully wield someday.  The birthing community (who knew there was such a thing!) has welcomed a TTC newcomer into their midst with gracious, open arms.  I love these women!  I don't exactly fit in with them, but I do feel welcome, and they have taught me much.

All I've ever heard all my life was about how horrible childbirth could be.  My own mother went into early labor, and delivered me over a month early.  She had gestational diabetes, so I still weighed 8 lbs, 3 oz.; a fairly large baby.  (It's all relative.)  She miscarried between me and my sister at almost 6 months into her pregnancy.  With both Jeni and me, she stopped smoking, but continued to drink alcohol.  She did not view childbirth in a natural way, forcing her body to go into early labor.

Two months before her "due date" (and I use that term loosely) with my sister, she drank TWO BOTTLES of Castor Oil.  I have since asked her why.  She responded that she felt like she needed to go into labor and couldn't stand being pregnant any longer.  Now, I should clarify.  My mother is an educated (obviously not about birth!), smart woman.  Why would she do that?!  I have read that Castor Oil cannot make you go into labor unless you are ready, and many women use it when they feel they are "overdue".  I beg to differ.  Maybe they're talking about the recommended dose of 2 Tbsp not causing you to go into early labor.  She gave birth within 24 hours, and my sister was so under-developed that her nasal passages were too small and she couldn't properly "suck".  Mom said it would take her an hour to eat from a bottle, and she would be completely exhausted from it.  Strangely enough, she still has almost no sense of smell.  I always wondered if this is why.  She was jaundice and stayed in the hospital several weeks.  

Both my sister and I are fine.  :)  We survived.  We bonded with our mother.  Basically, it can be said we adapted.  Humans are amazing that way.  But why would you want your baby to adapt if it is not necessary? 

When I was younger, I used to joke and say if I had a baby, just "give me the epidural and wake me when it's over."  How young.  How naive.  How sad!  And oh! how my thoughts have changed.

While separated from my husband for a very long time, infertility became somewhat of a non-issue.  Of course, since we've been back together the past 4+ years, it has raised it's ugly head once more.  But one amazing thing has come about through this.  I've given birth a second look.  An honest, blunt, factual, yet spiritual look, and I love what I'm seeing.  I have several friends who have given birth in a hospital setting and having their children has been the best experience of their lives.  But I'm crazy enough to believe it could be even better! 

I have never given birth.  So I certainly am not preaching, trying to persuade, or ridiculing your choices.  But I know what I want if my turn comes around.  You can't change my mind!  ;)  I value however my dear friends have birthed their babies.  They are amazing women!  :)  But I also know what I want if I am ever blessed enough to experience this for myself.  With your first child, did you have a birth plan?  Did you know what you wanted, even if it didn't happen the way you planned?  And just because you hadn't given birth yet, did that make your opinions stupid or irrelavent?  Certainly not. Nor are mine.

I can literally imagine myself giving birth.  I can see my husband, I can feel the room energy.  I can see my beautiful, natural, home birth.

"In my courtyard," as Sylvia Plath so beautifully wrote, "a fountain leaps and sinks back into itself."  That is exactly what infertility feels like.  But in my body and in my mind, I sometimes get a sense of that cool, forceful water that might one day burst forth and create life beyond it's own!  That my body that was wonderfully and fearfully made might do exactly what it was intended to do.  And when the time comes...

it's au naturel, baby...!